Fencing..then and now.

Just need to put my thoughts down here.

Been fencing since the end of the second year in college. This is about the start of the fourth year fencing. So far, it’s been doing stuff rather than fencing. Now I have this new coach that is supposed to be really good and such. He is. He teaches me things more about the mental side of fencing rather than the physical side. Kinda like where he’s taking me right now.

Right now, things are not looking good. I am at this place where there is no saber. It’s been like than for since I’ve been there now. I’ve paid a year membership, which is something I am thinking over right now. Is it worth it? It’s been a while since we’ve gotten our own place and things are moving rather slow. The beginning class is very slow and boring. I wonder how the kids take it. Sometimes, the things we do are for the sadistic enjoyment of the coach. He makes us hold difficult poses (the end lunge pose), which serves no purpose in the sport. Things are going slow since we just do one stepped drills for 20-30 minutes at a time. It’s all perfection rather than fun.  And he tries to regress me back to the old way of things, like saying things like just push it and “Get! Go!” during matches when I am supposed to stay relaxed and focused.

Also, I’ve very unproductive with my time. We start every class with this dynamic warm ups thing. They don’t do as much as regular stretching and real warming up (jogging, ect.). It is like a medium stretching and movement exercises. Also, there is too much foil. Not much is being done for saber. No one fences it and not much activities are done to enhance it. Also the game “castle” is the reason my glasses and face always get smashed. I have to fix the glasses and I get sinus problems the next few days since my nose is not used to the new glasses positions. But, here are things I want to get done:

-No more dynamic warm ups. They suck and regular stretching in the weight lifting book seems better. Regular stretching and regular warm-ups are better.
-Less foil. Every 3 hours of saber = 1 allowed hour of foil. Foil messes up my saber arm.
-No more castle. Unless there is a rule about hitting the face. Even if I wear a mask, I usually either pull the team or do nothing for a while.
-More left handed practices
-More conditioning

Money problems = money is the problem, other problems

Ever since getting in the accident, I've been strapped. The thing costs a few thousands that I'll not see for a few months after I find every piece of info that there is for the lawsuit. But now, things got bad. I am now way behind on my school loans and paying a extra hundreds on interest that I should have paid off if it wasn't for the accident. Now, if I do get the check for everyhing that I should get back, my mom is making me give her it (about a little more than 10k) for the house payment stuff. She said that I owe her the 10k because of the car they "bought for me" months ago. Now, I am once again getting the shitty end of the stick since (1) my parents practically gave my siblings their cars and they they aren't doing shit for me, even though why the hell do I think I would be entitled for anything if the history of life taught me anything, and (2) I would not have gotten a new car since I cannot pay for it as of right now (see school loan). Why the hell would I take on more loans than I would handle?! That 10k would have been nice since it would have paid off my loan right then and there, while the 3k spent on hospital and doctors and such would have kept me on track. Why did I even get a brand new car in the first place?

My dad is a dick when it comes to my education. He constantly defends his image that I am not going to grad school because everyone else who he talks to (including himself) do not know shit about my field. HOw the hell does things I do affect him? And what does he need to be a parent who lives through their kid's successes? The only difference between a masters and a bachelors in engineering is that a bachelors requires 5 years of experience for a job while a masters requires 3 years. The 2 years comes from getting a masters and being in debt. Also, the average salary increase is about 4-5k for a masters, something that the debt may negate. He always seems embarrased that I only graduated from UCI (not a good engineering school in terms of industry contacts and job stuff) with a BS. He's a moron for thinking he's better than  a person who went though 4 years of school, started a chem engineering club on campus, and took time to network with other chem engineers and calls me the moron for not getting a masters. If he's so tight in the ass about getting a masters, go and get one then.

Co-worker's a dumbass. I wonder how she made it this far in career life. 2 majors in science and she asks me whether I wanted to order 5000 mL or 5000 microL pipette tips. I would like to see the 5 liter sized ones. Can't even do her job at work. Has a masters also, but I see none of the knowledge spent ont he job. Keeps bitching about how much work she has when she gossips for hour. Also, this politics and bitchiness is getting to me. The lead somtimes drops hints that I can do her job and there needs another opening at the company. I feel like I'm part of another politics bout.

Fencing kinda sucks now. 1 year and there is a lack of saber around. When the hell do I put up with it all. Lazy coach won't compete any more. Like he's lost the will to fight and sends others to do his job. May regret paying the yearly fees since I don't fence saber after classes any more. Don't even get paid to volunteer at events also. I gotta stop being too involved in things I get nothing much for anymore.

Still looking for that nice job that utilizes my experience and education out there. May be a good year from what I heard. I hope so.

Half a year and 10k waiting for me later, my neck still hurts from the car accident. I've only jumped off the chiropractor treatments since mom kept bugging me constantly about the house payment and I needed to get her the money as soon as possible. Biggest regret here.

What is worse?

Being in a car accident or the event of the accident. It got me thinking lately.

So, last Friday I was in a 3 car accident. A car hit me and pushed me into another car. I was waiting to merge into the other freeway when this happened. One moment, I was sitting in my seat not giving a damn about much. Then I no longer feel my seat and the seat belt tugs at me. That crash was one hell of a ride. I did the nice thing to do after an accident. I made sure everyone was OK. I checked both cars. THat lasted for 10 minutes, but who can tell time after the rush hits you. WHen the panic rush wore off, I sat in my car and tired to listen to deadmau5 for a bit. It didn't work. I was too shaky and antsy. Now, my car's back is messed up. The bumper is almost off, lights are cracked, and the front is scraped up. The inside is still kinda a mess since things flew everywhere. As for me, my knee area is messed from hitting the car and I have a stiffening neck. I have to go to the chiropractor for a few months and treat myself like an old fart.

But, during the accident, some things hit me. First, it was cas. Then is was the thoughts of how human nature is. I remember one guy helped us out. He was coming home from work and he worked in medical so I trusted I know what he was doing. He called the police and helped the person who hit her nose. Good man, I remember saying to him. But, in a packed freeway, one person helped out. Then there are the people who hit me. It seemed like a bunch of highschool or ealry college girls. About 5 of them, making a full car. One hit her nose, so they were doing something. Then traffic was slow at that point, so the car must have been going fast before it hit me. But who goes speed limit during freeway traffic. I remember hearing a slight screeching of the tires and that's it. Man it sucks to be there at that time.

Then there's me being there. I remember the 2 guys I was pushed into. They had a much smaller car than me. So, they may have taken a lot more damage if my car didn't stop the other car. But jeeze, they were lucky. Else, it could be some other person instead of me. Some person with a disability or some woman who is pregnant. But then, me. Someone who is in good health (up to that point) and walked away relatively fine.

There's a lot of views and angles I have been thinking of from my time off of work. There's more I may or may not talk about later. 

Shitty shittty shitty

Came home after working overtime just to hear my dad bitch about me being bitchy over the fact that I don't get enough sleep, thus causing my bitchiness. It's 10:27pm right now and I hear someone making all the noise in the world going through the kitchen. That's why I dont get any sleep late at night. If I start sleeping warly, I get woken up. It's more fficient of my time to stay up and do stuff anyqway. Anyway, dad's being a bitch once more. It's been a good stretch between bitchiness sessions. What's his problem?

Work has become shitty. Co-workers are getting bitchier and more negative every day. I constantly overhear their whining and complaining each day. ONe complains that she cannot get work done through the day. If she stopped bitching about stuff and worked int hat time instead, things would get done. The other worker is being dragged down into her spiral. I need my ipod here now.

I feel like I am a marketing tool in fenicng. Been suffering through beginning foil for about a year now> I wonder a lot about quitting and especially how I got myself too deep into this shit. Would quit if it wasn't for the politics and stuff. I just want to fence saber for once. Having not seen the carrot at the end of the lone for a while now makes me believe there is no carrot at all. I hope I am dead wrong.

Life has become hard.

Man, Fam reunion stuff is over. Time to get back to normal life. I've put off so much just to plan and set this. Now, time to get in shape and other stuff.

But, I'll be looking back and seeing how much of a good thing I did that day. Met a lot of people I never met before. Met a few others that I haven't seen for years. Set up the fam tree and slideshow. Drank with my grandfather's youngest bro. Played around with a lot of kids from other families. Night was enlightening.